These are the words left on a note at a shrine dedicated to Tommy Winston, the popular teenager stabbed to death in a Kentish Town street.
They were written by Tyrell Anderson, one of Tommy’s best friends and old schoolmates, just before he handed himself in to the police.
On Monday afternoon, Mr Anderson heard his words read back to him from the dock at the Old Bailey where he is now standing trial for murder. Mr Anderson admits manslaughter but denies the charge of murder.
“Tom you was one of my best pals. I didn’t meen to, please believe me. Only God know’s why this happened. I’m in a knightmare and I can’t wake from it. I don’t no the difference between my dreams and real life anymore Tom. For days now I’ve been wishing this was all a dream, only until I’ve jus walked to where it happened and seen all the flowers and pictures that I know it must be real. It must be about 04.00 am, knowone is on the road accept for me. Everyone finks im scum and I am…
But I know you no I never meant it and that’s all that matters in my life now Tom. Remember all the times we played football together (so many) you was always the best at freekicks. You tought me how to take them Beckham style. You would always pick me out at corners and freekicks. Me, you and Tanny yous’ed to be the best in the whole borough. We all should of made it together. Tom I can’t believe I did it. I thought of 101 different ways to end my life and be with you Tom to tell you face to face how sorry I am.
But I wasn’t man enough to do any of them. So I’m writing this before I give myself in for good. To tell your family, Phil, D, Whinnie and all the rest that I’m sorry to put you through so much pain. I know what its like to loose someone but not in that way you lost Tommy. You don’t deserve to be goin through this. Words can not explain how sorry I am. I no you Hate me and wan’t me dead but please believe I never meant to do this, I’m not a murderer even though you think I am and everyone else does. I’m not.
Everyone who knows me, knows I’m not that kind of person. Tom, we were friends for at least seven years Tom. We were exactly like each other at 1 stage in our lives, we liked all the same things. Two of them was football and the same girls. I love you Tom, I know I’ll be joining you soon Tom. To everyone who knew and loved Tommy I’m so sorry to end his life. I didn’t mean to put you through this type of pain. Tommy one of my best pals. I’m so sorry Tom. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. Sorry my nigga. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.”